The Two Choices in Motherhood by Tiffany Leiseth

When I first became a mom, I was faced with two choices. I could lose myself in motherhood, or I could find myself.

I’m not going to lie, I almost lost myself completely after having my first baby. I barely knew who Tiffany was anymore. Did she have friends, hobbies, hopes, dreams, goals?? Not really. She had anxiety, stress, guilt, insecurities, and exhaustion. When I had my second baby, I could feel myself starting to slip away, but I was able to recognize it this time and prioritize my self care with the tools and resources I already had in place.

Don’t get me wrong, my heart was SO FULL when my babies were born. There is nothing wrong with loving your children tremendously (which I do… both of them.) The problem for me was letting myself drown in the ocean of motherhood. I didn’t ask for a rescue boat or a life jacket. I was just out there treading water, exhausted and trying to keep my head above water.

Even my husband noticed me fading away and becoming completely obsessed with our daughter, to the point that I focused on nothing else. He suggested that I should find some sort of hobby or interests outside of motherhood for my own sanity. Looking back, I can see why he was concerned, but at the time it felt completely necessary for me to pour my whole self into our daughter. I couldn't fathom taking time for anything else.

My mindset started to shift once I began following a woman on social media who was consistently sharing her fitness journey. She was so positive and empowering, and she also had a daughter so I related to her because of that. Hers posts inspired me to look at my relationship with fitness and my relationship with my daughter and the example I was setting for her. Did I want to send my daughter the message that once you have kids, you should neglect yourself completely and your own goals, interests, hopes and dreams are no longer important? Heck no! The thought of my daughter giving up on herself someday and pouring everything she has into motherhood broke my heart. I want her to always practice self care and prioritize her own needs. If she chooses to have children someday, I want her to to have a life outside of motherhood and to never forget that she matters and the dreams and goals she has are still worthy of pursuing. I believe that motherhood AND personal aspirations can coexist. I am determined to show my daughter that they can.

I loved how this mother never talked about weight loss. Clearly, she wasn't trying to be "skinny" which my past self thought was the only reason to workout. I was scared to even touch a weight for fear of it making me "bigger" than I already was. This woman shed a whole new light on fitness for me. My only fitness goals in the past were centered around weight loss and being able to wear a certain size and look decent in a bikini. I learned there's a whole other layer to fitness that doesn't involve anything superficial. It's not necessarily wrong or evil to have weight loss goals, and I think it's human nature to be somewhat superficial. If I'm being honest, my initial motivation to start exercising after my daughter was born was because I wanted to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes and lose my pregnancy weight. But we do not have to base our whole self worth on the number on the scale or size of clothes we wear.

After following this mom on Facebook for a while, I decided I was going to be a strong and positive role model for my daughter. I was not going to approach my fitness journey by obsessing about my weight like I had in the past. In fact, I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER discuss my weight in front of my daughter... not ever. I would never call myself or anyone "fat" or comment on weight or bodies in a negative way, mine or anyone else's. I didn't want to project my own insecurities onto my daughter. Instead I would focus on what fitness does for my mental health because I always feel better after my workout. I would talk about getting stronger, being able to do more reps, and eating foods that will fuel my body and give it the most energy.

When I first started my postpartum fitness journey, exercise became my rescue boat. I wasn’t drowning anymore. I wasn’t exhausted all the time. I no longer felt hopeless and full of anxiety. Approaching fitness with a different perspective has been life changing for me. There's never the temptation to "give up" as I would in the past when I hit a plateau. When I look for a deeper purpose, I can always find a reason to move my body. It's not about being "skinny" or weighing a certain number of pounds. It's about being a badass. It's about taking control of my life and having strength and mobility as long as humanly possible. Even though I take great care of my children, I don't want them to be taking care of me someday. If my lifestyle choices can extend my independence, maybe I won't have bad knees and hips when I'm 80. Maybe I'll be doing burpees instead... a girl can dream, right? Perhaps I'll even have grandchildren someday. It would be nice to run and play and have the stamina and ability to keep up with them.

My postpartum fitness journey transformed into a journey of finding myself again. If you think about it, what better way to get to know yourself? You become more aware of your body and what it can do. The best part for me was becoming more aware of my mindset and the self limiting beliefs I was holding onto. It's amazing how much we're capable of when we push ourselves out of our comfort zone, and I can't think of anything more empowering than feeling yourself getting stronger every day. I believe that journaling and therapy are also important and helpful in getting to know yourself but there's something about that mind- body connection that makes exercise my preference.

If you can relate to this and ever feel like you’re drowning in motherhood and forgetting who YOU are. If you’re putting your own needs last and feel exhausted all the time, you're not alone. I have been there, and I totally understand how easy it is to let yourself slip away.

I'm so grateful to have found a postpartum fitness plan that fits the busy mom life. Maybe you read all of this and feel inspired to start your own path of finding yourself again. Take it from someone who has been down that road before... it is worth every single step.

No pressure at all, but if you've been looking to start your own fitness journey, it would be an honor to have you walk alongside me.